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Imagine
you just bought a shiny new car. It drove off
the lot fine, but late that night, on a dark,
lonely road (are we overly melodramatic here
or what?) you break down because the
automobile manufacturer failed to provide you
with the basic necessities, like brake lines.
No big deal, you think, you will just call the
roadside assistance that was promised free
with your car! So you call, and you are
greeted by someone named "Abraham Lincoln"
(Absolutely no joke, we have talked with him,
but funny, he had an Indian accent!?!). Mr.
Lincoln asks you to go to the trunk and get
out a 10 millimeter wrench and to raise the
hood. You dutifully comply, seeing as he is
nice and seems friendly, but a little hard to
understand. Then he asks you to remove the EGR
valve, or at least you THINK that's what he
said. You ask if you can get the roadside
assistance you got the with car, and he tells
you that this IS the assistance.
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The world of computer "Tech
Support" is no different.You
see a shiny new computer on TV for only $399,
and you make the call. The salesman speaks
perfect English, is really nice, and tells you
that the $399 system won't really do what you
need it to do, that you need to spend ~$700.00
(at least he's not lying!). You give your credit
card number to the nice man, and in just a month
or two it arrives. You set it up, you notice the
Anti-Virus is a trial version, there is no
mention of anti-spyware, and that there are
loads of offers to take your money on the
desktop. In a month or so you find it comes from
the factory with with no anti-virus, no
anti-spyware, no support. You were certainly NOT
ready to get on the internet; and when you do,
you find the computer slows to a crawl, you get
pop-ups everywhere, and somehow the computer you
just bought for yourself and your ten year-old
daughter is littered with porn site offers.
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You
call for tech support, and you get Abraham
Lincoln, who tells you to remove parts from
your computer that you aren't sure you would
even understand in English, and as you are
reassembling your new pride and joy, you see
the sticker on the case side that says,
"Warranty Void if Opened." Your heart sinks,
and gets even lower when the problem is
still there after the nice Mr. Lincoln's
"Fix." Then he tells you to mail it to a
foreign country (Texas) for repair after you
fail! You have no choice, so you take
half a day off work the next day to send it.
It costs you forty dollars to send it, but
again you have no choice. You are overjoyed
when, only a week later, your computer is
back. You've been jonesing for a good game
of mah-johngg and your daughter
is excited to get her homework stuck
somewhere in the "My Documents" folder. You
hook it up, start it up, and reel in horror
as you discover all your programs, data, and
setting are GONE. All your finances, your
daughter's report, your E-Mail, all gone.
You call, thinking this is a mistake, and
are curtly told that it is the company's
policy to destroy your data when you mail it
in. So you go on. In a month the popups are
back, you've spent hundreds on programs to
eliminate the problem, only to find MORE
popups, and now your ten year-old knows more
about Bestiality than you do.
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Welcome
To the World of Skunk-A-Rific
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You call Skunk-A-Rific. You
ask where in the hell they got that name, and
you find out the company was named after a
baby skunk they rescued... awwwww. Then you
tell them your tale of horror, and they tell
you that fixing this is what they do. (They
also manufacture computers that don't have
these problems!) They ask you in-depth
questions about what they can and can't do to
fix your computer, are able to back up your
data, and finally, present you with a computer
pretty much immune to all the B.S.! They give
you class on how to keep all the crap off the
system, give you the software you need to keep
it safe, and show you how to use it. And just
to prove how serious they are, if it DOES
happen again (even if you deliberately mess it
up) they will fix it free. Right away.
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In
a month you notice it is still faster than
when you bought it, you still get no
pop-ups, and you recommend "Skunks" to your
boss. They come out, fix everything, sell
the company new computers, and you get
promoted to VIP status. Your boss buys you a
yacht and you take the skunk crew to the
Caribbean as a thank you.
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Take That First Step
(Right Now!) and Call Us - (513)
942-9186.
Then Mix Down Those
Fru-Fru Drinks!
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